Mark Your Calendars

Thinking about the distance between us is hard to wrap your brain around. These days, I can talk to my friends on the west coast, the east coast, across the pond, wherever, which is amazing and great and keeps us connected and I am eternally grateful for modern day technology.

But there is no replacing a good, ol' fashioned hug or the look in someone's eyes or their smile. There is nothing better than closing the gap. 

I love that I have friends from all over. I love it so much my friends from home can't stand to hear about it. 

But I am going to talk about them, anyways.

You know those people that make you believe in fate or destiny or love at first sight? I know it sounds crazy, but some people you meet and never forget. It doesn't seem to matter how long you have known them or how much you know about each other. In one conversation, you feel this inexplicable happiness. It's a comfortable feeling, but it's also so unique. YA JUST CLICK

So as much as I love chatting and sending pictures back and forth, I just can't wait to see you. I hate how it sounds, but there are few people in the world who I felt more connected to or love more.

 Friday, October 26, 2012

Apologies All Around

We can't always write things that are poetic and make us smile. Sometimes, we have to write with real courage and with tears and with a pounding heart. We have to dig, remember something we would rather forget, and write it down so it won't be forgotten but, rather, learned from. So I am so very, deeply sorry, for writing something that isn't pretty and isn't fun. But, don't you see I had to write about it. Not for you but for me!

A Clay Face

I wonder if I would recognize myself.

If everything was what it might have been.

What if I had stayed?
In a place filled with fake people and fake trees.
In a place that takes so much more than it gives.
My pale skin, tanned.

What if I had never set foot on the sand dunes?
They taught me to be in love the world.
They taught me to be alone with my thoughts.
My own self, at my very best, all the time- they told me.

What if I had never meet you all?
You showed me courage.
You joked and I laughed.
My smile, would it be quite as wide?

What if I leaned over the water's surface
and saw a face
that felt familiar
like a dream I once remembered?

What if that face was mine?

I wonder if I would recognize myself.

The Butterfly Room

Life seems so permanent, as if our houses are solid and our hearts will always beat.  I visited my grandparents over the weekend, sleeping in the same room- green, blue, dotted with white butterflies- as the one that once held my crib. Everything seemed so unchanged. Only the gradual yellowing of the framed pictures showed the passage of time.

The garden there still grows. The model train track holds steadfast in the ground. The sculptures, authentic rugs, and masks decorate the walls; pieces from all over the world create familiar organized clutter. I will admit one thing has changed. I am finally allowed in the portion of the house that holds my grandmother’s most prized possessions. But I will amount this new responsibility to simply being a perk of growing up and not of change.

My aunt, on the other hand, just sold her house. My cousins have always lived at that same address- a brick house, close to the playground where we played basketball and ultimate frisbee. My aunt had grown her own beautiful garden and made her house just right- a kitchen for company and a basement, with its blue shaggy carpet, for the cousins to hang out. It had all seemed so grounded, so solid, so unchanging. Isn’t it strange how the hard floor beneath our feet and the walls holding strong against the wind are not permanent aspects of our lives? Just because things are solid does not mean they will always be there.

I am lucky. I live in a life filled with seemingly permanent things. But only for now.

Please Won't You Be My Neighbor?

My english teacher, years ago, told me a person should be able to recite three meaningful quotes at any given moment. I don't know why this would ever be essential for one's survival in society. Perhaps as a way of establishing ethos. Perhaps just to sound like a snob. However, I happen to love quotes, and I have a tendency to mindlessly listen to my teachers. Unfortunately, I only have two meaningful quotes to share at this point in my life, but they are lengthy so we can just chalk it up to three.

The first quote I have to share is the classic, "I went to the woods because I wished to live deliberately..." by Thoreau. I could finish it for you, but, surprisingly, leaves are not the focus of this blog post.

The second string of beautiful words is less eloquent and more obscure. They were said by the man who taught me the importance of coexisting, of empathy, of imagination, and of a comfortable sweater. The best neighbor on the street: Mr. Fred Rogers, everybody. Give it up.

After a long morning as a second grader, I would home home from school, put my feet up, enjoy a decadent meal of Spaghetti-O's, and enjoy a thirty minute trip to Mr. Roger's Neighborhood; it was always beautiful there.

My good friend Fred passed away eight years ago from stomach cancer; it was a sad day in third grade. Years after his death, I purchased a book of his various sayings and beliefs published in his memory. On the back cover, it reads, "If you could only sense how important you are in the lives of those you meet; how important you can be to the people you never even dream of. There is something of yourself that you leave at every meeting with another person."

Though simply stated, this quote is undeniably true.

Sometimes, I find myself feeling insignificant. I feel as if it is impossible to make a difference in this big world; it is a place filled with so many- billions, in fact. How could I possibly be different? How could I possibly be unique? But, I am over-thinking it. Like Mr. Rogers simply said it is not the world we can impact so easily but, rather, the people who fill our lives. If I take a second to look at my day, I can see people who smiled at my jokes, who told me their problems while I listened, who needed help with homework or a hug. Perhaps without realizing it, I made a difference.

We do it everyday. We make change. We establish our importance in the world- whether we can sense it or not.